Confessions of a Serial Dater

What She Really Meant Is…

Guys have you ever been in a situation with a woman where you said to yourself, “what in the world is she talking about?”, or “I wish I knew what she was thinking?” Of course you have… Every guy does because it takes years of experience and tons of studying to learn “woman speak”. Woman speak is a cryptic language that is mostly made up of innuendo, hints, suppressed feelings and it is generally emotionally charged. All of those communicating nuisances can be a disaster for men who are usually best at seeing things black or white with not much room for guess work. Men are rarely equipped with the ability to translate the true meaning of what a woman is trying to communicate to him and as a result both parties never get to the real meaning of what she wants to convey.

Apr

#TrapAndTap

So, you read the title and you either got it right away or I have some “’splaining to do, Lucy’.” In a second, I’m going to tell you how to use the “trapandtap” method properly.

Make sure if you try the trapandtap that you know how to handle it. The trapandtap is like a gun, used properly it can be an effective and valuable tool, but if it’s used improperly the results can be devastating!

But first, quickly from the Sheik dictionary…

Definition of Trapandtap:

1.

Mar

#Matchfish

Man it’s getting weird out there in cyberspace, especially if you’re using the interweb to look for love. I mean what’s up with the whole “catfish” phenomena? It blows my mind to think that people are out there hiding behind their keyboards making up false identities for the sole purpose of creating a romance with you. Yes, you! There is a good chance that if you are a social networker that you have been/are a victim of a “catfish” at some level.

Feb

#MakingMike

Meet Mike!

Mike’s divorced, single and in his early 50s. Mike’s lack of romantic success has left him with a boatload of confusion, a lack of confidence and a void of loneliness. That beat down from life has crippled his desire to put himself in front of attractive, successful, put-together women. Don’t get me wrong, Mike is fully capable of scrounging up an occasional old retread or landing a gal that he wouldn’t want to bring home to mom, if you know what I mean.

Jan

#RelationshipFat

Ah yes, relationship fat. If you’re unfamiliar with term “relationshipfat” then you’re long overdue for learning the meaning. Although the term is pretty self-explanatory allow me to define “Relationshipfat” and then I will use it in a sentence.

Definition of relationshipfat:

1. The act of gaining weight while in a relationship; specifically: giving up on your physical appearance because you are off the market.

Dec

#SweaterGuy

.

’Twas about a month before Christmas, Thanksgiving to be right,

In bed lies a bachelor awake like the night.

You see the bachelor is in a battle, but just in his head.

A Christmas sweater he mumbled, “You won’t catch me dead.”

To make sense of his quandary let’s rewind twelve hours,

That’s when the bachelor hears her voice call from the shower.

Nov

#ElectionDate

It’s uncanny the similarities between election season and dating! Both are very confusing endeavors that embolden bad candidates, game playing, lying, manipulating and storytelling, to list a few. Just like election season most people date until ultimately they find a few good candidates who surface leaving them confused and unsure who to choose.

Oct

#Dinnerdiggers

Dinnerdigger’s everywhere beware! We guys are on to you and you know who you are! Ladies if you possess any of these qualities there is a real good chance that you in fact are a “dinnerdigger”.

1. You prey on unsuspecting guys that are new to internet dating or you seek out gentlemen that are naive and/or desperate for a woman’s attention.

2. When you go out on a date you will only go on dinner dates and you’ll only go to upscale restaurants.

3.

Aug

#Sportdating

Here is a letter I got from “Dud Dater”:

I chatted on Match.com with a seemingly nice guy named Erik. We decided to set up a date and go for drinks, then at the very last second he reschedules for Friday of Father’s Day weekend. Then almost simultaneously I notice that his profile was removed from Match.com. Interesting…

It gets better.

Jul

#Bethatguy

1. You are what you eat.

2. You’re a product of your environment

3. You get what you give

4. You reap what you sow

5. If you want the best, be your best

6. No pain, no gain

If you lived your life keeping only these six karmic proverbs in mind I’d say you’ll do well for yourself. All of these sayings have a home in my “personal constitution”, but that’s not all, I have one more. Lucky number seven on my list is a proverb that I invented.

Confessions of a Serial Dater

The Sheik of Cherry Creek, Greg Hollenback