Confessions of a Serial Dater

What Is Love?

2012-02-01T07:17:00.001-07:00

What is Love? I’ve been pondering this question for 39yrs and 7 months now. The question seems to be growing in my mind more and more theses days. Maybe it’s because I’m still not married and the big 4 0 is looking more visible than the newly landed crows feet on my face. Honestly I can’t believe there aren’t more people like me. Am I the only one left in the world that believes in finding true intimacy in a mate before I hand over the keys to my life? I mean this is important stuff right?

I am continually amazed when I see people who put more time, effort and consideration into buying a car or even a pair of shoes than they do finding their mates. I will be the first to admit that I was conditioned by the urgency of the societal norm. You know what I’m talking about – the order of life. Date, fall in love, tie the knot, and then leave your mark on the world with a couple chips off the old block. These out-dated motions haven’t done anyone any favors; in fact I truly believe this mindless approach has created a society of empty souls who spend more time trying to hide who they really are rather than creating relationships that are conducive to personal growth and comfortable self expression. Personally I refuse to contribute to this pandemic of human decay that is leaving dysfunctional families with disillusioned bastard children in its wake.

Definition: Love - an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.

That’s from the dictionary. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that definition? I’m ok with the literary meaning of the word love if you are, I just think it’s a shame such a beautiful word has to be attached with so much dysfunction. Let’s break it down…

First off, love is an emotion? What the… Come on, we all know emotion is void of any logic, not to mention full of drama. Next, “strong affection and personal attachment”, one word, stalker! Stalker is a bit extreme but seriously that sounds a lot like dependency to me. If I may, I would like to re-define the word love thereby giving relationships everywhere true meaning worth striving for.

My Definition: Love – open acceptance with realistic expectations that promote honesty, health and growth.

If you haven’t figured it out by now I take finding the right woman seriously - a woman who gets it, gets me. I figure why stop now, I’ve come this far and I’m willing to go the distance. I know I’m rolling the dice and taking a huge risk the kind of love I’m talking about will ever come to fruition. The next time I tell a woman I love her she will know I have the utmost admiration and respect for her. She will know me inside and out, at all costs, she will never have to guess what’s on my mind and we will never feel like strangers in the same home who are going through the motions of life just because were suppose to.

So guys, as Valentines Day looms and you’ll inevitably find yourself sitting in your car outside of a Walgreens Pharmacy with a bundle of mass produced roses and a heart shaped Hallmark card keep this article in mind and the true meaning of Valentines Day. If you want to read more about the true meaning of Valentines Day and how you can make it a more bearable holiday check out http://greghollenback.blogspot.com/2011/01/guys-guide-to-surviving-valentines-day.html and read the article I wrote last February titled “A Guys Guide To Surviving Valentines Day”.

Don’t miss next month when I kick off a three part series on “The Art Of The Pick Up”… “The Hunt”, “The Chase” and “The Kill”. It’ll be worth the price of admission.

Baby New Year And The 5 Bromandments

2012-01-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

Here’s your chance guys! Imagine having a clean slate — a new beginning — a rebirth if you will. I say happy birthday to you today ol’ boy! The next five minutes of time you spend reading this article may very well change your life forever. I don’t care if you’re a man, boy, just dating or in a relationship; using the following five “Bromandments” will keep you happy, healthy and sexually fatigued and give you a solid foundation for your new constitution.

1. Love is conditional — That’s right, I said it, conditional. Let’s face it; what has unconditional love ever gotten you? I say nothing. I say unconditional love creates fat, nagging, vanilla sexed strangers who throw months upon years of their lives in the scrap heap of wasted time and bad memories. If I ever write marriage vows they’ll go something like this: “Sweetheart, just because I am making you my wife that does not give you the right to chisel away at the man that stands before you today. Understand this is a very big step for me because as you know men are not monogamous creatures by nature so it is very important for you to continue to be as ‘adventurous’ in the bedroom as possible so we have a running chance at fidelity.” You get the gist guys — basically set an expectation of standards and high quality living to ensure your needs of health, happiness and satisfaction are continually fulfilled. This is a give and get kind of deal. Don’t expect those high standards if you’re not prepared to put up the same in collateral.

2. Jealousy — Throw jealousy out the window. It will get you nowhere. Literally nowhere. In fact jealousy is one trait that can actually diminish any good qualities you may have. Have you seen those commercials that ask you to take a pledge to never shake a baby? Well I want you to do the same thing with me right now. Repeat after me, “I ______ vow to never ever, never ever ever never act or show jealousy to women.” Here’s the thing about jealousy — no matter how many “guy friends” she has or how sexy she dresses when she goes out with the girls you need to keep an even head. Don’t get me wrong, you need to have standards and expectations of suitable behavior but don’t make the mistake most women make and try and change the person you liked when you first met them.

3. Free will — I’ll spare you the Rush reference so I can make another musical reference later. I can’t stress to you enough the importance of having and giving free will. Free will is an unstoppable force of nature that exists no matter what. Forget any and all Jedi mind tricks, methods of guilt persuasion or any other form of trickery in order to convince a woman to do something when her heart isn’t in it. Mark my words — free will always wins out. Once you embrace that notion your life will become much easier and you will find yourself less disappointed in the long run.

4. Guilt free — Live a guilt free life. Don’t be afraid to snatch up and gobble what makes you happy in life. So many people live guilt-ridden lives because of some hang-up that has scared them into fear and submission. The guilt I’m speaking about usually comes from some deep seeded mommy issue or a preconceived expectation of responsibility you feel from outdated notions of what it means to be a “man.” An indoctrination that is generally propagandized and disseminated by liberal feminine special interest groups that benefit from passive, subservient males. Not men — Males. You need to be a man and not feel guilty about it. The wussifacation of men has gone too far and the worst thing about it is being a wuss is not even attractive to a woman. Be careful what you ask for ladies, you just might get it.

5. Respect — R.E.S.P.E.C.T… find out what it means to me! You knew it was coming and I couldn’t resist the cheap Aretha Franklin tie-in but color me a pickle if that song doesn’t nail it. Having self-respect for you and for others is essential to building an alluring constitution. And I mean the mafia type of loyalty and respect. If you say you’re going to be somewhere, be there. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Your actions and the things you say are indelible so make sure you know how to use them. Rudeness, insults and the inability to constructively criticize is not only a huge turn off to women but a colossal waste of time. Disrespecting someone may be temporarily forgiven but never forgotten. If you want women to get close to you they need to feel safe and respected, yes, unconditionally. Unconditionally is the hard part but look at it this way — if someone is so unsavory to you that you feel the need to degrade them or pick them apart, that is a huge sign that you’re in the wrong situation.

I know this article is pretty heavy but I feel strongly about every last word I said. I’m sure you’re going to have questions and comments and I am more than happy to field them on my blog at www.greghol lenback.com. Happy hunting and Happy New Year! Let’s make 2012 the best one yet!

Holiday Survival Guide For Men

2011-12-02T05:26:00.000-07:00

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, or so the song goes. But for those who are dating or in a new relationship it can be quite the opposite. It’s the most miserable time of the year.

Guys, I want you to cut this article out of the paper and put it up on the fridge so every time you get up from a turkey induced coma to grab another handful of Christmas cookies and refill on cheap gifted wine you will remember the following:

Guys, do NOT make the mistake of throwing away all of the time, money and effort you’ve invested into building up a rotation of women because of the winter and the holidays. If you’ve read my column for any length of time you know my thoughts on winter and what it does to people romantically. Do yourself a favor and head on over to www.greghollenback.com and refresh yourself with the article I wrote titled “Spring Fling” in which I talk about the “seasons of dating” and how during the colder months men and women have the tendency to nest with whoever sits at the top of their dating rotation come autumn. The holidays can cause problems that can be avoided with a little awareness and planning. Here are five things to look out for:

1. Holidays make you weak. I’m not talking physically — although with all the inactivity chances are you’re not in peak physical condition right now — but I’ll get back to the holiday bulge in a minute. When I say weak I mean your mental guard is down. Sometimes sharing closeness with a woman during the holiday is dangerous for both of you. It’s hard not to confuse the magic of Christmas and wanting to be kind and generous with feelings of love. If you’re not careful you might just back into a relationship that will be difficult to end when your winter romance begins to thaw in the spring.

2. Do NOT buy a woman you are dating or in a fresh relationship with jewelry for Christmas. This is a big mistake for many reasons — some obvious and others not so much. The most obvious reason is you’re just throwing your money out the window. Chances are good that the ring or necklace you just bought her will be admired by whomever she is dating next. But more importantly gifting women jewelry is a sign of resignation. They know if you are buying them the ultimate in women’s gifts you have invested in them leaving her less likely to vie for your attention. Lead up to jewelry when you’re sure you’re ready for commitment.

3. Guy’s, do NOT lose contact with all of the women you’ve cultivated during your dating career. Remember you are weak right now and not thinking very clearly. It is much more likely you are currently hibernating with “Miss Right” rather than “Mrs. Right.” There are so many things that can go wrong; she might even be planning her exit. The point is don’t leave yourself high and dry with no plan other than starting from scratch.

4. Do NOT do the family thing. Here’s the rule: keep your family out of your dating life and fresh relationships. I’m probably not saying this one for reasons you think. Dating is hard enough — neither of you need the pressure of your families, or kids in some cases, especially during the holidays. The last thing you need in your life is to be grilled about your intentions with Susie by a couple of stranger senior citizens over a piece of prime rib with au jus.

5. Do NOT let yourself go. The number one enemy to daters and to single people is being overweight and out of shape. I cannot stress the importance of maintaining your weight during the winter months. As you know from Halloween to the New Year it is hellaciously easy to pack on the pounds, especially if you have no reason to impress potential prospects while you’re on the shelf. Obviously keeping yourself in decent shape during the holiday hump will not only keep you ready to get back out there but it will show your resolve to the woman you’re seeing and ultimately make you more desirable to her. Win, win.

Hopefully these five reminders will keep you fairly focused through the most confusing and overwhelming months of the year. Lastly, do not be afraid to pull the trigger on a bad situation. Don’t force yourself to play out a bad relationship for the spirit of Christmas. If things aren’t working out with your nesting partner or you simply want to be dating and continue on in your pursuit in finding what you want don’t suppress those feelings. Send her off to misfit toy land. Life’s too short.

Merry Christmas.

Your feedback and comments are welcome on my blog on www.greghollenback .com.

Occupy Sexy

2011-11-01T07:36:00.000-06:00

Sexy is the one word that women use to capsulate everything they like in a man. “Damn, he’s sexy.” Those words have been heard murmured among girlfriends since Jesus was a lad. Your goal is to be the guy they’re talking about — to be sexy. The optimal word here is to BE, or to occupy, occupy sexy.

Contrary to popular opinion you don’t need washboard abs like the dudes in the fireman calendar to be sexy. I’m here to tell you that sexy is a state of mind, or a lifestyle, if you will. Thank God for that because if women were as shallow as us guys very few people would be getting together. Yes, you can be average looking and balding and still occupy sexy. Yes, you can have a pot belly and a wooden foot and still be sexy. Yes, you can drive a “green” automobile and still rock sexy! Well maybe not, but you get my point.

Guys, incorporate the following tips into your everyday lifestyle and I guarantee you’ll start getting the ladies murmuring about you. Remember: women are very insightful; if they think you are putting up a front or trying to act sexy they will sniff it out in a second. Don’t pretend to be sexy, own it.

1. You MUST be and stay independent. A self sufficient, independent, busy man is ultra sexy to women. An independent guy’s time is very valuable and ladies love a man who’s in high demand. There is nothing sexier to a woman than spending time with a man that has a million things to do and who has a ton of other options yet he chooses to spend time with her. What woman wants a guy that is all about her and has unlimited availability with nothing to do? Not a one. Dependency or co-dependency is a huge turnoff to women. WARNING: This sexy quality comes with killer irony. If you continue to date her or enter into a relationship with a woman, look for your independence to be tested as it will be very difficult to maintain. Once she’s got you, the less she’ll want you to be independent, which is ironic because initially she is more attracted to an independent guy. So watch out for that. It’s much harder to regain your independence than it is to maintain it.

2. You MUST have even emotions. The word “cool” is generally used to describe a mellow, easy going, laid back person; you know, a cool guy. Cool guys always get the girls because they have a sense of calm control. You know the type, the “I got this handled” kind of attitude. I caught some heat in a prior article for saying “women are emotional creatures by nature” but I think it stands to be repeated to make a point. The old adage “opposites attract” still holds up — if women wanted to date someone emotional they would date themselves. Calm, cool and collected is the way to go.

3. You MUST have strength. No, I don’t mean you must be able to bench press a polar bear or be able to arm curl a small Asian man. What I mean is you must have the strength of your convictions. There is nothing less sexy to a woman than a man with no backbone; a man that has no beliefs or stands for nothing. Guys, listen to me, it is okay to be quirky and have different outlooks or strong opinions. Having strength bleeds into so many aspects of a person’s life that it’s hard to give one example without giving a million. In a nut shell, strength is telling the truth when it’s difficult to do, strength is standing up for an unpopular person or opinion when it’s called for, strength is not being ashamed of your past and the people that were in it. Having strength is anything that has to do with digging deep inside yourself in order to be real. Now that’s sexy!

4. You MUST win (or die trying). Women love winners and hate losers — it’s that simple. I’m sorry to offend the sensitive people but this couldn’t be truer and is probably the number one most attractive quality to a woman. Have you ever looked at an aesthetically challenged man holding hands with a drop dead gorgeous woman? If you have it’s because he’s a winner and she thinks it’s hot. Granted he could have won Powerball or won the lucky sperm club award but chances are he won at other things in life — like an athlete, an entertainer or a scholar, etc. Winning is an aphrodisiac to females.

The tips I just gave you will “UP” your attractiveness and viability to women on their sexy meters. We all know being sexy is a key ingredient to unlocking a woman’s passion. The “sexy meter” is the same meter that will decide if you’re headed to the friend zone. The meter tells her if you’re going to be intimate and it decides if you’re going to be chased or chasing. The meter is constantly running but the settings never change. It’s very important you don’t deviate from these guidelines because variation will lead to disaster and once you fail to register on the meter it is next to impossible to recover.

Here’s your chance ladies: What makes a man sexy? Feel free to respond openly, honestly and anonymously to this article on my blog at www.greghollenback.com. Guys join in the conversation to ensure you too can occupy sexy!

Facebook Is The Devil

2011-10-03T13:09:00.000-06:00

Money and sex related problems are the top two relationship killers. Well now I think it’s time we throw a third dating disease into the mix: Facebook! Oh, you know the place — the little corner of the Internet that you are more intimate with than any human being in your life. You know it’s true. Tell me one person in your life that you check in on multiple times of day to see if there is anything new, a person you share all of your thoughts and photos with unconditionally and someone you willingly share your “status update” with as your day goes on. I mean come on, we even “check in.” Who else do you happily check in with and offer your every whereabouts? Nobody! When people check in with someone it’s usually their mom or probation officer or their jealous partner — something like that.

Now that Mark Zuckerburg (who has to be the devil by the way) invented Facebook you can learn more about a person’s life than you ever would have otherwise. It’s the one place where your past is sure to precede you, a place where the comments, thoughts and remarks that you made seemed appropriate at the time now come back to haunt you. Well have no fear guys — this article is going to save you a lot of present and future problems if you follow these simple rules of Facebook conduct. Ladies, I don’t mean to exclude you in this article, but let’s be honest; you’re far too emotional to be able to do the following things. Let’s get to it fellas! Here are my top six rules for keeping Facebook from developing into a dating or relationship cancer:

1. Don’t use Facebook as your personal diary. Save all of your emotional breakdowns and sentimental cry outs for a journal or diary. I always shake my head in wonderment when I see people verbally bleed on Facebook. Have you no shame?! Remember, what you write stays there! Use your gut instinct — if what you’ve said in the past on your Facebook could be deemed sketchy or construed as flirting with women, innocent or not, get rid of it. Don’t give women you’re dating any ammo so they can scrutinize your past.

2. Groom your Facebook and always keep it current. Just like you don’t want to see photos of the girl you’re currently seeing kissing her ex under a waterfall in Uruguay, she probably doesn’t want to see you three way kissing with the girls from Shotgun Willie’s on a boys night out. Save that stuff for the depths of your hard drive.

3. Get to know and manage your privacy settings intimately. Less is more with Facebook. People don’t need to see photos you’re tagged in and know every time you write something on someone else’s wall. Save yourself the aggravation of having to explain to the person you’re dating every girl you know and how you know them.

4. Never ever publicize your relationship status unless you are in a healthy long-term relationship (LTR) or married. Come on people, you don’t need to change your relationship status from “single” to “in a relationship” with every passing date you go on. Even more irritating than that are the people who flop back and forth from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated” because they’re only proving to their present and future love interests how emotionally unstable they really are.

5. Get to know and be pals with your three most loyal Facebook buddies. Their names are Delete, Block and Un-tag. Let these guys help you out early and often. Delete anything you might be questioned about. Block any ex that is liable to try and sabotage your new relationships. Finally, un-tag yourself from any pics that show yourself having fun or being intimate with any woman, friend or lover because they will inevitably be held against you.

6. Lastly and most important, SIGN OUT of your Facebook every time you’re done. There is not a woman on this planet that can control themselves from snooping through an unattended Facebook, especially if they’re dating you. They want to see who you “poke,” which, by the way, I was recently told by a woman that using the “poke” feature has sexual undertones but I disagree. Your personal messages will no longer be personal if you leave your Facebook open and any pics that you’ve hidden will be combed through for sure. No Bueno.

So guys, in summary, use Facebook as an observer for the most part. Make your Facebook page fun, upbeat and fairly ambiguous. Let the rest of the world post their deepest secrets and most intimate pictures of themselves. I promise you, most people I know have Facebook pages and a good portion of those people’s relationships ended because of it.

Your feedback and comments are welcome on my blog on www.greghollenback.com. What are your thoughts on social media and its affects on dating and relationships? Until next time, happy Facebooking!

On The Rebound: What To Do When You Get Dumped

2011-08-23T18:57:00.000-06:00

Before we get started I need to go over a thing or three. First of all, I’m not writing this article to help you get over a garden variety dumping. This advice is not for your run of the mill “you hardly knew each other” dumping. Nope, this article is for the guy that just got kicked to the curb by the woman who he thought was “the one.” You know her — she can do no wrong; she has the face of an angel and the loins of the devil — Miss Right. Right for you anyway, in every way, except one — she doesn’t want you. That’s what this article is about. This is a how to get your ass out of bed in the morning and face a miserable world after you just got the Heisman from the woman of your dreams kinda article. Let’s get to it!

Sorry ladies, I have no advice for you this month. I’ve heard in order for you to get over a guy you’re in to, involves a lot of tears, tons of ice cream and a voodoo doll. But again, that’s outside my expertise.

Now that it’s just me and you guys, let’s get real. The first and most important step you have to take after you get your heart ripped out of your body is this: It’s the precursor to every piece of male advice ever given. Every father says it to his boy before he shares his worldly wisdom; every coach tells his team this little gem before each pep talk and as sure as the sun will rise over China tomorrow, every true friend will turn to his pal with love and say “quit being a pussy.”

Whew, now that that is out of the way we can start to make some progress. Let’s face it, the reason that men are able to move past emotional situations quicker than women is for that very same reason. We have fewer emotions. Don’t ask me why — I didn’t invent people; maybe it’s the whole nature, nurture thing. Save the hate mail for my blog if you don’t agree. It’s just the way it is. I think that’s why it’s possible for men to have multiple Misses Rights in our lifetime as opposed to a woman’s need for one perfect man. No, not all at once ya sicko, although I’m sure most guys wouldn’t be opposed to trying. I digress. The point is that in order to get over anyone, logic has to outweigh your emotions.

The following is a check list you’ll need to use on the rare occurrence your heart gets broken. Once you are able to check off all five items your heart is officially mended enough to get back out there and look for the next Miss Right.

• Realize nothing lasts forever. It’s a rare instance you see a couple that has been together for 50+ years.

• You need to come to terms with the fact that the girl that just dumped you will be intimate with another man, soon. The quicker you understand this the faster you will be on the mend and back out on the hunt. This just might be the toughest truth for a guy to swallow.

• She is not coming back; she’s gone. When a woman has made up her mind to leave you there is no turning back. It took forever for her to break it off with you. It took the encouragement of two of her relatives, her gay boyfriend, all of her girlfriends and her soon-to-be new boyfriend to break it off with you. She broke up with you weeks ago mentally but chances are you never knew it.

• Lastly and most important: Be ready to head back down to the Minor Leagues. Chances are if you have been on the shelf for any significant amount of time because of a relationship (especially if you were really into her) you lost your edge. You must be willing to roll around in the mud a little and get dirty if you want to get back into the Majors and perform at a high level again.

Make a run down the check list to see if you’re ready. Now it’s time to put all of this into perspective. I’ll quote the great Lizard King Jim Morrison who said, “Time is what gave you your wounds, and now it will heal them, if you believe.”

As always, “Don’t Date Down” (except on the rebound). Be sure not to miss next month’s musings “Social Dating: How Facebook Destroys Relationships.”

It’s Not Me, It’s You: A Guide To Breaking Up

2011-07-26T06:25:00.000-06:00

If you’re going to put yourself in the dating field it would be wise for you to learn the art of the painless breakup. More often than not people back themselves into a corner in a relationship for one reason or another. This is usually because they don’t know how to tell the other person they are heading down a dead-end street or they don’t want to hurt their feelings so people put off the inevitable.

So let’s face it. There is no reason to waste your time in a relationship with somebody that you’re not going to be compatible with in the long term. There is no better time than the present to get rid of the dead weight so you can continue your search. Last time I checked you’re not getting any younger and take it from me when you start adding up a few Miss Wrongs you will begin to look back on more of your life than you will be looking forward.

Here are the ways to drop the dead weight and get back in the game:

1) The E-Bomb

Back in the day this was called the “Dear John letter” but since it’s 2011 and no one writes letters anymore the E-Bomb has become the most wildly popular means of moving on. I’m talking about e-mailing, texting, Facebooking or the “like.” Just drop 140 characters into their inbox expressing your thankfulness for getting to know them but you have interest in exploring other situations. This is an acceptable method of ending things with someone that you’ve had some intimate encounters with or maybe just a handful of dates. Easy, breezy, Covergirl. And whatever you do, don’t call them out of familiarity or desperation, this can set you back weeks and make things much more difficult as you gain more history.

2) The Cut and Run

Sometimes the E-Bomb doesn’t do the trick and for whatever reason some people get really weird when they’re turned away and they just don’t get it — or they refuse to believe it’s true in some cases. Bust out the cut-and-run method when you’re dealing with someone in denial, a stalker, a creeper, a C-blocker or anyone who has the potential to try and harm you. You have to discontinue all communication with them immediately! That means all communication — untag and delete them from all things Facebook and Twitter. Block them from any form of communication with you. If they call, don’t pick up. If they text, don’t respond. If they stop by your house or work — hide. Sooner or later they will get the point and lose interest in you or find another person to make miserable.

3) The Call

This used to be most prominent style of calling it quits but the phone call has taken a back seat to the now vogue E-Bomb maneuver. Reserve the phone breakup exclusively for those you’ve dated for a while or that you’re in a full-on relationship with. This approach is much more personalized but ensures your immediate safety in the event they want to express themselves colorfully. In short — you’re not within striking distance. The drawback is that you may have to field a few questions but since you’re the one doing the breaking up you can always just hang up the phone.

4) The Face to Face

I know the idea is that you want to give them the respect they deserve by ending things “the right way.” You think you’re doing the honorable thing by breaking up in person but it’s actually counterproductive because too many things can go wrong. You may chicken out, they might try and change your mind and the list goes on. Emotions usually trump logic when it comes to breaking up with someone, unless you hate them because they are a cheating tramp or a lying sack, you are both fairly level headed people. I think the face to face should only happen after you’ve made the call and after things have cooled down and some time has elapsed. You don’t want to run the risk of breakup sex while you’re giving them back their keys and trash bag full of odds and ends left at your place.

5) The El Reverso

I have found that the El Reverso is the most effective passive aggressive form of breaking up ever invented but in the end it works like a charm. This type of breakup is for advanced daters only! This style of dropping the hammer requires a bit of lead up time and lots of consideration. Get them to break up with you! Start planting seeds of doubt into their head and start making them wonder if you really are the right guy for them in the long term. In short, if they like money tell them filing for bankruptcy is on your horizon, if they want kids mention you had a vasectomy. You get the idea. Plant red flags all around until she finds herself having no choice but to break it off with you which in turn leaves you smelling like roses because you didn’t have to be the axe man. Everyone is happy and there aren’t any hurt feelings. She goes away feeling like she’s on top (and maybe even a little guilty) and it allows you to maintain a friendship down the road. Use the El Reverso for these situations:

• You date a co-worker and don’t want things to be weird at your place of business.

• It’s a long-term relationship and you want to leave it amicably.

• You shared animals you would like to see again.

• You would like to date one of their friends.

• You would like to stay in touch with their family or you have mutual friends.

• They owe you money.

As the saying goes, “Nothing is certain but death and taxes.” I would have to add breaking up to that list.

As always, you can catch up on all of my musings on www.greghollenback .com where anonymous comments are always welcome and discussion is encouraged. Next month I will be writing about surviving a breakup. Until then have fun and “Don’t date down.”

The Dos And Don’ts Of Dating On Match.com Part Two: Don't Get Burned!

2011-06-28T17:10:00.001-06:00

Ok guys let’s get back to it — brace yourselves for part duex! If you need to catch up to speed you can read part one that is posted on www.greghollenback.com.

But before we resume let us pause for a moment of silence to honor our fellow brethren that have fallen victim to the dichotomous beast of online dating. Let us bow our heads in silence to pay homage to the guy who went broke because he kept spending 100 bucks a pop on dead end first dates. Let’s send a warming thought out to that guy who is at Applebee’s right now wondering if it’s happy hour because he’s going to need more than one drink to get through his date with a woman he doesn’t recognize because he is surprised that she doesn’t resemble the pictures she posted on her profile that were taken “pre-gaining the baby weight.” Spill a healthy sip of your 40 ounces for your homie that is spending endless hours online spinning his wheels while trying to talk to anything that will pay him mind. Just like I said at the end of part one in my last column, “You need a system.” So here are the rules for surviving Match.com:

1) You have a limited shelf life on Match.com — Plan to be on Match.com no more than one month at a time. If you’re on longer than that you will be viewed as a chronic creeper and you’ll get blocked by women who are no longer interested. You need to come onto the Web site organized and ready to roll. Match.com lets other users know when you’re on the site so plan your appearances wisely — create the perception of being a busy guy. Make sure you’re not online on Friday or Saturday night when you should be out having fun even if you’re hanging out alone at home.

2) Go live ASAP — Once you think you have a live one on the hook try to transfer her over to real life asap. Many guys make the mistake of trying to get to know a prospective date through e-mail — believe it or not this will work against you. There are tons of small verbal nuances that get lost in e-mails and texts. The minute you get a positive response from a woman that fits your bill politely ask her if she would like to continue this conversation over the telephone. Always give her your phone number and tell her she can block her number when calling if it makes her more comfortable.

3) That must be another girl you’re chasing — That’s exactly what you’ll hear if you’re not organized and once you hear those words there’s no recovery. Assuming you don’t have a memory like a computer you will need a way to remember who is who. You will be talking to lots of women and receiving lots of information and you need to have this information at your fingertips. Your Smartphone is your savior — if you don’t have one, get one. When the telephone rings you must have your Smartphone set up so when a “match “calls you your phone will show her picture and all relevant notes. Don’t learn the hard way like me and confuse the Amy who loves pink and likes to bike ride with the Amy who is goth and doesn’t like to venture out before dark.

4) No winking or favoriting — There are several features on Match.com that you generally want to avoid. “Winking” is a feature that alerts others of your interest and it makes you look lazy and promiscuous. It’s like whistling to women on the street — it really doesn’t work too well because they know if you do it to one woman you’ll do it to another. The other feature is “favoriting” which allows you to designate which women you want to set apart. Only use this feature if you’ve actually had a date with the woman and would like to continue to have contact with her. Otherwise, the feature is counterproductive because it’s a sign of desperation and it freaks women out because you look overly eager, putting you right back in that creeper category.

5) Stick to your shopping list — Stay focused and do not waver on your core wants, whatever they may be — this will save you tons of aggravation in the long run — trust me on this. You can be flexible on height, hair color and things of that nature but when it comes to your preference for children, past marital status, age and other things of great importance you should never compromise those things. You should be old enough by now to know what works for you. Don’t stray too far away from what you want just because you’re attracted to a pretty profile picture.

That’s just the start of making a great, easy-to-use system on Match.com. If you are interested in learning more about my system or you need help creating a great profile for Match.com contact me directly at greghollenback@gmail.com or go to my Web site www.greghollenback.com. Catch me on Channel 2’s Everyday Show on June 29 where I will be talking about fun things to do over the July 4th weekend. And remember my motto, “Don’t Date Down.” You deserve the best!

Don’t Get Burned With Matches: The Dos And Don’ts Of Dating On Match.com

2011-05-31T13:34:00.000-06:00

“Welcome to Build a Babe, may I take your order please?”

“Sure, I’ll take a sexy little petite blonde in her late 20s - early 30s who’s never been married, doesn’t have any kids, who likes to travel and exercise and has a passion for her family and career.”

Boy wouldn’t that be nice — a woman made to order, built to your specifications. That notion reminds me of one of my favorite movies growing up. Do you remember the movie Weird Science where Wyatt and Gary build their perfect woman with a nifty little computer program? Unfortunately there isn’t a program or a phone app out there that will make Kelly Lebrock appear in your living room ready to tend to your every desire. Or is there?

Well, back in 1985 when Weird Science first came out I would have said no way dude, that’s just a dream. But ask me today and I would say that with the amount of people that use the Internet and have dating profiles your chances of finding the woman of your dreams is much more possible — but only if you know what you’re doing. Well that’s where I step in…

Through my thorough investigation I now know everything there is to know about online dating. Let me start out by saying if you’ve ever planned to date online or if you are currently dating online you better pay close attention to this article because it might just save you from wasting tons of time, money and energy while you weed through the duds and spin your wheels with the worthwhile ladies because you have no idea what you’re doing. There’s two sides to online dating and a ton of nuances that you’d never know existed unless you’ve already run through the online dating gauntlet. Keep this article close as it will serve as a great reference to you as you navigate through the underbelly of the Internet aka Match.com.

Here’s how you start. First, get yourself ready, really ready because online dating can get intense. I believe every month you actively date online you shave a decade off your life. If you’re looking to sign up on Match.com here are your membership options. Match offers a six month, a three month and one month membership packages. My advice to you is to use what you’re about to learn in this article, then sign up for a one month membership, then get in and out of there like one of the Seal Team six guys that killed Bin Laden. I say this in all seriousness — you must have a plan… that is unless you’re on Match just for sport dating. Know what “type” of woman you want to date in advance then search for her, stay focused and remember at times it can be easy to get sidetracked by the easy pickings and dinner diggers.

Next, make a profile that is honest, direct and straightforward. If you want to see what my profile looks like as an example my username is denverradio. Talk more about what you’re looking for in a woman rather than how much you like sunsets, hiking and walks in the park. She is just like you and will probably gauge whether she’ll go out with you or not by the attractiveness of your pictures. This brings us to the next point, your pictures.

Pictures are the number one most important element to online dating. It’s real simple — there is no excuse for not having current pictures with cameras everywhere these days. I don’t care if you think you look good in your letterman jacket after you won state 20 years ago. Save that for the coffee table photo album. Avoid self pictures that make you look like you have no friends, keep the booze consuming partying pictures to a minimum, if you have kids spare them from the Internet and your dating profile and for the love of God don’t post pictures where it is clear you cropped your ex out.

Do post pictures that are a clear representation of how you look NOW. Don’t be that guy that shows up on a first date with the big gut surprise that you concealed from your profile pictures. If you’re rockin’ the gut make sure it’s in your pictures. Put up pictures of you having fun, smiling and being yourself. Don’t lie in your profile. Make sure your height, weight, age, occupation, income, hobbies, interests etc. are all accurate. Again this is to avoid any awkward situation when she finds out the truth and there is nothing a woman hates more than deception and dishonesty — major turn off. Bottom line is keep your profile fun, upbeat and accurate, post fun and current pictures of yourself and talk more about what you’re looking for in a woman rather than writing about how you perceive yourself to be.

Now it’s time to mingle. Your profile is all set up and you’re ready to go! Here’s more advice — do NOT go all berserk and start e-mailing, winking and favoriting every girl that catches your eye. Take a day or two to settle in and check out all the features and learn how to search for the specific type of woman you want.

Believe it or not you actually need “game” to date successfully online and for Match.com you need a ton of it. The nuances of Match.com and online dating are incredible. Next month, in part two of this column, learn all about first impressions, approach etiquette, opening lines and knowing how to close. Having an organized system is key to successfully dating on Match.com and finding hot, single women.

If you want to read about or share Match .com disasters and successes visit my blog at greghollenback.com and feel free to comment anonymously. Good, bad or ugly, let’s talk.

Greg Hollenback appears regularly as the Every Day Show dating expert on Channel 2. He also can be heard on 103.5 the Fox from 6 p.m. to midnight, Saturdays and Sundays.

Baggage Service: Left Turn BAD, Right Turn GOOD

2011-05-02T16:25:00.000-06:00

Last month I wrote about the different emotional baggage stages that women go through during a lifetime. Go catch up on greghollenback.com if you missed it because this month I am picking up where I left off. Now it’s time to talk about how to peel back the layers of an onion quickly in order to find out just how rotten the core is. With every woman comes a different load of baggage — some are carrying light loads and some not so light. Inevitably everybody is going to have baggage but the key is to quickly figure out what that baggage is and then to determine whether or not you can manage dealing with it. I call it your baggage threshold. Let’s get right to it!

I created the following guide to keep me focused on weeding out the wrong type of women for me — I call it my “turn signals.” I have structure that helps me identify if I need to take a left turn because of a red flag or if it’s “right” for me.

Here are my “turn signals.”

Left — If she’s got it, I don’t want it:

1) I take a left if she simply dislikes men. This woman is dating because she is attracted to men but that’s about it. She doesn’t like men, she doesn’t trust men and she is unwilling to let a man close to her heart. This condition usually stems from years of toxic relationships with men. I find this to be the most confusing and exhausting obstacle to hurdle with a woman. Now at the first sign of this affliction I run like I stole something. I find the easiest way to sniff this one out is to casually inquire about her past relationships with men. If most of her relationships were sour or ended in a dramatic fashion, take note, things always end badly with these women. The guys’ names are interchangeable but generally the outcome remains the same — just add your name to the list.

2) Take a left hand turn if she is a drug addict or a drunk — the last thing I need to do is date a Courtney Love type. You would be surprised how many undercover drunks and addicts there are out there. The party girl lifestyle can be fun to take part in every now and again but living the lifestyle is an entirely different story. The point is, I’m not qualified to be a 12-step program and there are too many other women out there for me to want to be. A party girl is up for whatever. Bless her; every man has a weakness for these women. But that’s a whole other article.

3) Bust a quick left if she’s financially in disarray. When I was younger I didn’t care about the financial status of the women I dated. Now, I do. I don’t care in the sense that I want someone to take care of me or give me a free ride (doubt I’d hate it, just sayin’). I just don’t want a burden that drains me, like having a kid or a dependent. I am getting too old to attach myself to someone else’s debt and expenses so I think you should use all the modern tools available to you to find out who someone is. I’m not saying you should do this with every woman you go out on a date with but I am saying (that’s right, you guessed it) that you should run her criminal and credit reports. It’s easy to do and it’s information everyone should have before they start to get serious with someone (mail goes to greghollenback@gmail.com).

Of course I have more left turn signals but I wanted to give you my top three deal breakers. If I sense that a woman possesses any of those qualities I put the brakes on right away. I find it interesting that as life goes on and as you mature in your thinking peoples’ perspectives start to change. I remember growing up thinking everything was about all of the things I wanted in my life. I would say things like I want to be rich, I want to have a family by 30, I want to have children, I want a boy and a girl and I want a big yard and a dog named Blue. You get the idea. Now as an adult with a lot of life experiences under my belt things have flip flopped. Now life is about avoiding all of the things I don’t want; I don’t want to be in a bad relationship, I don’t want a job I hate, I don’t want to be in debt…You get the picture.

The following are my “right turns” — the stuff I know I want in my life. These are the qualities I look for in a woman; these are the things that make me want to get to know her better and potentially share my life with.

Here are my “right turns.”

They are pretty simple actually:

1) She has and is capable of maintaining and developing loving relationships.

2) Mental and physical health is very important to her.

3) Respect and honesty aren’t just words but they have actual meaning to her.

That’s it in a nut shell and I know it’s easier said than done to stay focused on finding the right kind of woman for you. Recently I joined match .com and my username is Denverradio. For those of you who are reluctant to use dating Web sites or if you’re just intimidated by using them I am going to give you a full report on how to do it. Send me your online dating experiences and maybe I can use it in my next article! Be safe out there and remember, "Don't Date Down"!

Be sure to stop by my online blog at www.greghollenback.com or e-mail me at greghollenback@gmail.com if you have any comments about this article or any of the other previous “Confessions of a Serial Dater” articles. Also, feel free to contact me for one-on-one date coaching personalized to your needs, there are a few spots left on my calendar.

Check Your Baggage At The Door

2011-03-31T17:09:00.001-06:00

All aboard!! Please fasten your seatbelts. You, my friend, are about to embark on a journey into the unknown. This journey is for everyone, whether you like it or not, who is dating a woman with a little mileage under her belt. Everything is an illusion and all things are hidden behind cryptic messages and rooms framed with false reality. Lucky you, it’s now time to enter a woman’s closet of emotional baggage.

Baggage is all the unresolved feelings, romantic indiscretions, being wronged by someone, being cheated on, abandonment issues and mommy and daddy concerns. Anything unresolved or deemed as demeaning in personal relationships is baggage that gets put into a bag for storage.

For example, as time goes by and people get older new bags are filled to the brim and then thrown into the closet for filing. Soon the closet is full and larger real estate is required in order to accommodate its contents. The thing about baggage is that it’s negative by connotation and is generally emotionally charged.

The point is baggage comes in many shapes and sizes and gets more convoluted with age. Note: Of course there are people who are perfectly functional and who know how to process their feelings by living open, honest and healthy lives. The problem is most of these women have been taken since they were in their twenties. That is just the plain and simple truth.

When you’re an established adult it becomes increasingly difficult to progress past casual dating with these circumstances. As a result, I have what I call the “dating a woman and her baggage” timeline. Take it for what it’s worth. I find it to be very astute observations compiled from dating a myriad women of all ages, all walks of life and with a variety of baggage.

First is “The Closet.” I refer to the closet as a period of time in a woman’s life where she has minimal baggage and she needs a small space to store it. The closet years are generally captured from the end of high school through college or their mid-twenties. These years usually consist of their first love, which looking back usually was just lust. That guy is thrown into the closet along with a few drunken indiscretions and any unresolved family issues from their adolescence.

Next make way for the next era of baggage storage I call “The Bedroom.” These years are usually the most defining and last from the ages of 25 to 32. The bedroom is one of those clever double entendres that suggests that there is more space to hold more baggage and, to illustrate the irony, most of the baggage created during this time come from affairs of the heart created in the bedroom. Seems only fitting to store the baggage where it was made. These years usually contain people’s first serious relationship. You know, the big step, moving in together - maybe marriage, maybe a kid or two, all of the good stuff that comes along with blind unbridled love, youth and optimism.

Oh no! Things didn’t go as planned. Life happened. This next baggage area’s name also has a double meaning. “The Garage!” The garage is bigger, darker, and dingier and completely horrifying. This place not only signifies a purgatory of ill refute, it also represents where the “no good rotten S.O.B’s” belongings were thrown when the relationship ended. This time period is usually between the years of 32 to 40 and then it dovetails into the last baggage compartment.

Lastly, there is “The Backyard.” The backyard is an interesting place and a woman generally starts to use this area for baggage from 40 on. The backyard is big and airy wide open space that holds a lot of crap but it is all in the light and out in the open. There comes a time in everyone’s life when you just have to throw all the junk out there. You realize nothing and no one is perfect and that the quality of your content is most important when trying to figure out new ways of storing and concealing your baggage. The only thing that matters is functionality and health, and anything else that’s left over needs to be purged from your life and body like the toxic disease that it is.

Of course men have baggage. And I am aware that much of the baggage women carry around is created from the direct result of men and their actions. I date and write about dating women from a male’s perspective. This article in no way is meant to suggest men do not have problems and baggage. In fact I wrote this article with the intention of creating a perspective and awareness to a very serious issue that stunts the growth of what could have potentially been very healthy, productive relationships that ended in the name of baggage.

So with that said… I have a question. Has baggage ended what could have been potentially a great relationship for you or someone you know? If so, what was the issue? To answer that question and to give your overall thoughts on personal baggage you can email me at greghollenback@gmail.com or comment on my website at www.greghollenback.com. Remember you can remain anonymous and every opinion is welcome.

Next issue I will explain how to quickly find out what a woman’s emotional baggage is and how to deal with those issues or decide when it’s time to move on.

Spring Fling

2011-02-23T13:05:00.002-07:00

Ah yes… spring is on the horizon fellas. That’s right, glorious springtime, an annual climate change that causes new growth and change not only to the earth, but in humans as well. I believe seasons, weather and the holidays play a large role in dynamics in dating and relationships. Not only are there four seasons of climate change but there are the four seasons of dating as well. Shortly there will be an abundance of available women for you to choose from but you must be warned of a few things before partaking.

I’ll give you cautionary advice in a minute, but first here’s some background on the seasons of dating so you have a better idea of the big picture.

The first season of dating, and probably the most frantic, is the summer season. By the time summer rolls around people are generally in the swing of things. Everyone just seems to be more attractive when the weather is hot. People are tan and active while they enjoy all the rewards the summer single life has to offer, being footloose and fancy free. That is of course until the summer ends and autumn draws near.

As sure as leaves fall from the trees men and women start pairing up in the fall. There is something about the weather change and the anticipation of the holidays that creates the perfect storm for exclusive dating and nesting, bordering on the edge of relationshipville.

Next comes winter — welcome to relationshipville. People hate being single and dating during the holidays. There is nothing more awkward than taking a new date to a holiday party with your family in attendance. Oh wait, yes there is, meeting her family after just a date or two. Most single people don’t want to be alone and searching for someone from Halloween to New Years. Conversely, after the first of the year goes by, all bets are off. The end of winter is a free for all — every man and woman for themselves. If you and your partner didn’t come out of the holidays with a strong bond the demise of your relationship is imminent. New Year’s resolutions are set and people’s tolerance levels are low as the season of change looms at your doorstep.

Now comes spring, ahh yes, springtime, the season of new. Once the season of changes arrives people act like they just broke out of jail and go nuts for whatever the reason. Blame it on the warm weather, blame it on the newly single masses whose winter romances didn’t pan out — whatever the reason, just know it’s going to happen. Just like the masses of salmon that swim back upstream to spawn, single people everywhere flood the parks, bars, restaurants, singles groups and health clubs so they can get back in the swing of dating.

Now here comes the warning! This cautionary advice could be good or bad depending on how you look at it. Either way, you need to know what you’re getting yourself into so you can make the best of this wild season. Soon, there will be tons of available, single women loaded back into the dating pool. Don’t make the mistake of trying to date them like you would at summers end. These women are looking for non-committal fun — nothing serious. It’s no coincidence spring break owns the reputation it has. Think about it — some ladies leave the state to party in the spring so they don’t tarnish their reputations back at home. Even the spring events and holidays cater to single people cutting loose; I can go down the list. We covered spring break already, the mother of all debauchery. How about St. Patty’s day? There’s a nice wholesome family holiday. Oh, and let’s not forget Mardi Gras, a party so infamous I don’t even need to explain the tomfoolery that ensues for a few weeks in the spring. Who has the time and wherewithal to cultivate a relationship in the spring?

Guys, use this information to your advantage and get yourself ready to have fun this spring. Now is the time to sharpen your dating skills and plant as many seeds as humanly possible. The more you seed plant in the spring, the better chance you’ll have of a modern, hot, successful woman blossoming for you in the summer months.

Don’t delay, there’s work to be done guys. Make sure you’re good and ready for the onslaught of women that will be looking to mingle. Use this quick check list to make sure you’re not caught with your pants down, or up, in the case, so to speak.

Spring clean! Just like selling a house you need to give yourself some curb appeal. Go get a few new outfits.

When the New Year rolled around you resolved to quit stuffing copious amounts of bad food into your body and get to the gym more. Don’t be that guy who gets motivated to look better once it’s too late.

Market yourself! Let it be known that you’re single and spread the word far and wide. Don’t be embarrassed to use all the modern forms of dating at your disposal. If you have an online profile – update it! Use current pictures and make sure your profile is upbeat and fun!

Just like everything else, use these tips and information to help increase your odds for success. Whether you’re looking for love or just dating, spring is the perfect time to get out there and be social. Lastly, don’t make the mistake of chasing a woman that is on the rebound and is just looking for fun. If you do this the results will be disastrous. You will be left running uphill spinning your wheels when you could just play the field and let them come around at their leisure. Good luck guys, get out there and plant those seeds, and remember the more you plant the more likely someone exceptional will sprout in the fall!

The Great Date Debate - Our Best Advice on Finding Mr. or Ms. Right in Denver

2011-02-03T18:09:00.008-07:00

The Great Date Debate - Our Best Advice on Finding Mr. or Ms. Right in Denver

A Guy’s Guide To Surviving Valentine’s Day

2011-01-24T17:18:00.000-07:00

Ahh … February 14th. Yep, you know that date quite well by now fellas. You know the 14th as the one day a year when your female love interest wants you to be “romantic” and expects you to provide a feast of lavish proportions laced with flowers, gifts, candies and the dreaded teddy bear in hope of impressing her enough so that maybe, just maybe, she’ll break you off a piece of some good loving if you meet her standards.

How did this happen to us guys? If you asked a man what a romantic way to spend the day would be I guarantee you it wouldn’t resemble the modern form of Womantine’s Day. A guy would want to relax, maybe bbq, drink a few beers then do some things in the bedroom with his girl that he might not get to do all the time. All I am asking is why does Valentine’s Day have to be so one-sided? Why is the onus put completely on the man when it comes to planning the day?

If you know your history you would know the meaning behind the legend of Valentine’s Day and St. Valentine. First, I think it’s important you know the origin of the word Valentine. Valentine was derived from Valens, which means worthy, strong and powerful. I laugh every time I remind myself of that and then I think how ironic it is that on Valentine’s Day there are millions of emasculated men running around going through the motions of trying to fulfill whatever vision of romance their date has. Sadly, more often than not, whatever you did was not good enough leaving you feeling worthless, weak and vulnerable.

Now I am not saying boycott Valentine’s Day. Oh no, quite the contrary…What I am saying is get back to basics guys. The legend of St. Valentine is actually quite a remarkable story and it could put things in better perspective for you. For those of you who don’t know, St. Valentine was a Roman priest that was martyred during the reign of Claudius II. Claudius believed single men made better soldiers than men with wives and families so he outlawed marriage. Pimp daddy Valentine was arrested and jailed for marrying and helping Christians during a time when Claudius was persecuting them in Rome. Good ole’ Valentine stood strong in jail and as the legend goes he fell in love with the jailor’s daughter and they wrote each other love letters all the way up to his final day when he was stoned and beheaded for his offenses. One of his final letters written to the jailor’s daughter was believed to be signed, “From your Valentine,” an expression still used to this day. Now that’s fricken romantic!

That’s the meaning of Valentine’s Day! A celebration of undying love and romance expressed by celebrating and feasts. Valentine’s Day isn’t necessarily finding someone to share the day with so you can show her you are romantic and giving. Valentine’s Day is a day for everyone — in love or not. It is a day to merely recognize that love exists! Love is everywhere! Valentine’s Day should be a celebration of all the beautiful romances enjoyed by you and others in the past, now and in the future.

Guys, take the pressure off yourself this Valentine’s Day and you might even enjoy it. This holiday is just as much for you as it is for the ladies. Forget trying to impress with a fancy restaurant, the biggest bouquet of flowers you can find or even the most impressive jewelry. Get back to basics. On this Valentine’s Day I challenge you to remember why Valentine died a martyr. I challenge you to celebrate love and forget about the Hallmark indoctrination that has brainwashed you for years into making you think the more money you spend, the more you care.

Some great ideas for a relaxing Valentine’s Day are:

Make a huge feast with all the foods you like. Nothing says romantic like a man that can cook. Cooking at home is far more cost effective and is much more interactive. Cooking together is great way for you to get close to your date in the kitchen.

Get some art supplies and make some homemade Valentine’s Day cards together with your date. Make sure to sign it, “From your Valentine” then drop some St. Valentine history on her and watch her swoon.

Go to one of those stores where you can buy the supplies to make necklaces and charms and buy a little variety. After dinner relax with the drink of your choice and show your creative side and make some jewelry together.

If it doesn’t work, in most instances you probably won’t be stoned to death and beheaded like St. Valentine, so what do you have to lose?

If you have some ideas for some fun, unconventional things people could do on a Valentine’s Day date, either drop me an e-mail at greghollenback@gmail.com or head over to my blog at www.greghollen back.com and leave your suggestions there. Guys, I am now offering one-on-one date coaching for spring if you want to get a jump-start on effective dating. I would like to thank my loyal base of female readers for your continued support both publicly and privately. Keep the feedback coming and be safe dating out there.ꆱ

Warning: You Are Entering The Friend Zone!

2010-12-28T05:50:00.002-07:00

We’ve all been there at one time or another. You have the hottest girl in your life but she just wants to be your friend. It is a place worse than jail, hell and a shopping mall on Christmas Eve all rolled up into one — a purgatory also known as the friend zone! That’s right, the dreaded, frustrating, lonely, confusing, demoralizing, freakin’ friend zone! A place very similar to the Hotel California — “you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.” You basically have to be the great Houdini to be able to escape from the hated friend zone.

There is good news though — it is possible to bust out! The odds are slim but what do you have to lose, right? Chances are the only reason you hang out with her and act like you’re interested in all the “fun” platonic things you do together is because you’re waiting to see if you can break through to the other side. Believe me I can relate, but I’ve also cracked the code. Read on if you want the winning combination.

Left 19, right 36, left 2… If only it were that simple. Here’s the truth. Changing a woman’s mind once it’s made up is not easy. In fact, being in the friend zone is like getting stuck in quicksand — the harder you try to get out, the more you become mired and there is nothing less attractive to a woman than a guy who tries too hard. Especially if it’s a guy she clearly knows she can have. There’s no mystery about it — she knows you will do anything to “be there for her.” Even if it’s picking her up and taking her home after she’s been out having drinks with her “friend” Jim, you will do it. But the problem is you want to be Jim. The guy that gets to see her shake it in the dress you helped pick out when you two met for coffee and went shopping earlier in the day.

Instead you want to be the dinner guy! Dinner guy isn’t available all the time. Dinner guy is a busy guy. Dinner guy has options.

That’s where you start. Don’t be available all the time, keep busy with other people and things and have options. Remember, resistance causes attraction. Change it up so she is no longer the focus of all your attention. Go on dates, do more with your guy friends, don’t answer the phone every time she calls, don’t fire her back a text 4.2 seconds after you received it. It will take her some time to adjust; she may even give you the “you’re acting funny lately” talk. She may even blow you off all together. But mark my words, like birds migrating back to the warm weather after a cold winter, she will be back.

In the meantime, you have homework to do. Not just women but people in general are drawn to certain attributes in a person that they find attractive. What floats their boat, so to speak. Don’t fight nature, it is what it is, you can’t change this. Remember, you’re the one who is attracted to her and for whatever reasons she is not attracted to you — so you need to switch things up.

First start with qualities that are appealing to every human being: Be a good person that’s strong, confident, caring, clean and charming. But then dig a little deeper. Be smart about your approach with her. Study the type of guys she dates and has always been attracted to — physical attributes, activities, style, etc… Change it up some. If you wear a beard and she likes clean shaven guys, then ace the beard. If she likes guys that love to go to on hikes and play tennis, you better buy some hiking boots and learn how to swing a racket. What you are trying to do is increase your chances with her. I know you can’t help being 5’10” if she likes guys over six feet but you can shave off some of that big gut of yours if you know she likes athletic guys. You get the picture here — it’s much easier for the chaser to change than it is for the chasee.

Lastly, give it some time. Go on about your business — play it cool. Trust me, she will wonder about this change in you, especially if it’s something that happens organically — not told to her by you or flaunted. Let her marinate in the mystery of the new unavailable, aloof, fun loving, busy guy that now has a ton of physical qualities and style she’s interested in.

Now timing is everything. Once enough time has gone by and she no longer thinks of you as her “girlfriend” you need to reassert yourself back into her life in a non-platonic fashion. Ask her out. Have a plan and a purpose. Tell her you would like to take her to such and such place at such and such time and make it clear it’s a date. If you do this right and don’t cut any corners you should be in a good position to at least push the reset button and once again try to gain some romantic footing.

Warning: She will test you. She’ll see if you jump if she asks you to, she’ll see if you become needy if she resists some or all of your advances, and she’ll look to see if you get jealous when it comes to other men. All she has to do is sense it — sense you are the same rollover guy you were before and she’ll send you back to the friend zone so fast your head will spin.

Now you are seeing why it’s so hard to get out of the friend zone. It takes a tremendous amount of time and effort. Personally I think it’s easier to move on and start fresh with someone else and hope you find that same attraction in another woman that feels the same way about you.

Fellas if you’ve found yourself in the friend zone before and you somehow managed to get out let me know. And ladies, what makes you decide to put a guy in the friend zone and can he ever escape? I would like to hear your stories. Just write me at greghollenback@gmail.com or news paper@glendalecherrycreek.com. You can also comment on my blog at www.greghollenback.com and catch up on past editions of “Confessions of a Serial Dater.”

Special thanks to KWGN Channel 2 Everyday show for having me as their resident dating coach and to Kenny Be from Westword for making me one of Denver’s “Tastiest Turkeys” of 2010. Happy New Year daters, let’s make next year a great one.

Among his many other gigs, Greg Hollenback can be heard on 103.5 The Fox on Saturdays and Sundays from 6 p.m. until midnight.!

Know When To Hold ’Em, Know When To Fold ’Em

2010-11-30T23:37:00.001-07:00

Ok guys, let’s get right to it! We’ve all been faced this dilemma — you know the one: Do I hold her or do I fold her? Or at least do you continue putting effort into pursuing her and if so, how much? I know it’s not that cut and dried and God knows I’ve wasted a fair amount of my time on women that weren’t right for me. But I also know sometimes it’s easier to date down than it is to put the work in to find a quality woman. Dating can become very taxing to a person — especially if you’ve just been launched back into the dating pool because of a divorce or break up.

Putting yourself out there as a middle-aged adult is much more difficult than it was when you were in high school or college. I think we can agree that the stakes become much higher and you have much more to lose with every relationship you have. Gone are the days when you could date someone and just “see where it goes.” I mean really, who can throw six months of their life into the wind hoping that things might work out?

It’s time you become a smart, modern dater. In today’s world you have to be that person who knows what you want and isn’t afraid to go get it. Here are some tips to help you stay focused so you can keep your eye on the prize.

First of all, let’s face it, the world isn’t a perfect place and you’re not going to find the perfect woman — it’s just not going to happen. You’re not perfect and she’s not going to be perfect. But as life goes on, and you live and learn, I think a smart person who has been in a few relationships would agree it’s not all about trying to find everything you want in a person — it becomes more about trying to avoid the traits and characteristics you don’t like in someone. Easy right? Umm…yeah, no, not really. But here’s an analogy I think you might find useful when you’re facing one of those “hold her” or “fold her” moments.

There’s slew of similarities between dating and poker. First, you pay the ante (dinner and/or drinks), then you get dealt your hand (your date), then in a relatively short amount of time you have to size up your date and figure out how much effort, if any, you want to put into her. I know chemistry and gut feelings, just like in poker, play a major role in the hold em’ or fold em’ equation. But you would be crazy if you didn’t at least have a game plan, or what I like to call your “Keeper Constitution.”

Here’s how you make your Keeper Constitution. Typically there are three types of women you will date. First being the hot, confident, smart woman that would take a lot of time and effort and could very well be out of your league. Second is the usual type of woman you are used to — this woman requires some effort, but you have dated her kind before and the outcome is fairly predictable. Lastly there is the gal that requires absolutely no effort. If you go out with her again chances are it should be late at night if another date didn’t pan out, or if she is cooking something good and you feel like eating and watching a movie.

I am a firm believer that a man is at his best when he is challenged. Elevate your game and go after the hot, confident, smart women. I say this because the other two types of women are effortless, predictable and undoubtedly will leave you uninspired and unfulfilled within a matter of time. I am not telling you to do away with every woman that doesn’t fit the first category but please, for the love of everything that you hold sacred please do not invest the same amount of time, money and emotion to each category of woman. You know the drill, and it happens more times than not, you go out on a few dates with an effortless, predictable woman and before you know it she’s your girlfriend or wife. Now look what you’ve done. The effort you could have been spending on a lady that would offer you a challenge and a long-term payoff has turned into expending time and energy on getting out of a bad situation.

So to sum things up: stay focused, have a plan, and make sure you are looking out for your needs. Life is too short, save your time, money and emotion for the women who truly deserve it. Set your sights high and be the person you want in return — if you put damaged goods out there I guarantee you will get what you give.

This month I want to leave you with a question: You are out on a first date and you took her to dinner and drinks. You can tell right away you’re not her type and vice versa and she couldn’t be more bored. Is it rude to ask her to pay her portion of the tab when the check arrives? I want to hear your response whether you’re a man or a woman. Write the Chronicle at newspaper @glendalecherrycreek.com and tell me your thoughts on this one — I will publish a few of your responses in January’s column. Don’t forget to respond to this article or any other on my blog at www.greg hollenback.com. Next month I will be writing about party dating etiquette in “Will You Be Bringing A Guest?”

Among his many other gigs, Greg Hollenback can be heard on 103.5 The Fox on Saturdays and Sundays from 6 p.m. until midnight.

First Date Test – Pass Or Fail

2010-10-27T19:57:00.002-06:00

Welcome back guys! Last month in my column “Happy Hour – Happy Ending” I told you I am a huge fan of meeting first dates for happy hour. The reasons are bountiful for sure, but to summarize - it is a relaxing, inexpensive, comfortable environment, conducive to getting to know someone. Now that you know where to take her, I am going to give you some tips on how NOT to blow it. Let’s get right to work.

First, you can forget about finding the woman of your dreams if you can’t even get out of the starting gates. Making a good first impression on a first date is everything. A good lasting impression is equally important. When a woman walks away from a first date with a guy she reviews a series of questions and situations that she subjected to - dare I call it (GASP! – comment on my blog) “The First Date Test!” And there are only two grades – pass or fail. Here’s how you pass:

I doubt I’m about to tell you anything you don’t already know, but I think it’s worth reaffirming this point. Let me ask you this: Why is it’s so much easier to get a woman you’re not very attracted to as opposed to someone you’re very attracted to? Is it because less attractive people are easy? Of course not! It’s because people only put effort into things they want. Humans seem to only work as hard as they have to. Unfortunately trying too hard is a complete turn off when it comes to dating and the getting to know each other process and they can sniff it out in a second. I must admit to you, I catch myself slipping sometimes - I catch myself trying too hard. It’s rare, and I usually only do it when I’m feeling insecure or out classed. Be yourself, don’t worry about impressing her. Remember, water seeks its own level – so who you are will always come out in the end. If she is right for you it is best if the tag matches the merchandise. Be yourself from the beginning - it will save you aggravation in the long run. That is the first step in passing the first date test.

Trying too hard includes, but is not limited to, buying flowers and or any other gifts for her on a first date. Save flowers for anniversaries, birthdays and other special occasions once you know there is chemistry. She doesn’t want to hear about what your salary is, what you own, or what you’re thinking about buying. If you have to say it, you don’t have it.

Do not be over complimentary or sexually forward with a woman on a first date. She will run for the hills, even if she’s attracted to you. It is okay to compliment her on how lovely she looks at the beginning of the date so she knows you’re interested – but that’s it. Let me tell you why. When a woman first starts seeing a guy she likes a certain amount of mystery as to the extent of his interest. I find that a lady is not only mentally stimulated in this exploration process but it arouses her too. The worst thing you can do is lay it all out there at first – she wants mystery and a challenge. I know it’s hard to maintain that composure especially if she’s smokin’ hot – but you have to.

Next, sometimes it’s hard to tell when it’s coming, but she will inevitably test your emotional stability. Women are not attracted to men that they are easily rattled. Even if she tests you don’t get jealous, debate her, talk politics or religion. Trust me - those are date killers right off the bat. Keep things light and fun - talk about vacation stories, music, art, pop culture or anything that can lead to laughing.

Lastly, be a man! I don’t mean that to be insulting at all. Here’s what I do mean… I don’t care how watered down the notion of what being a man is these days. I know politically correct thinking has changed the vernacular to make the word “man” a dirty word but I am here to tell you women still want a man - in the truest sense of the word. Women want a strong alpha-male that makes her feel protected and safe. She likes a man that’s not afraid to take the lead and make some decisions. Go ahead and order that Lemon Drop, rock it like a secure man. Sexy!

If they say the chance of finding true love is one in a million – then you better be prepared to date a million people. That doesn’t mean you’ll have to, you just better be ready. You may be one of the lucky few that came across your true love early in life, but for the rest of us, you better be prepared to go the distance. That’s unless you’re one of those people that’s perfectly content with settling down with the first person that puts their hand up. If you’re not one of “them” you better get with the game and learn how to efficiently and effectively date in this fast-paced modern world. You know the alternative - dating down (being polite there) or getting grinded up like sausage by every woman that has it going on.

I was on the “Everyday” show on Channel 2, The Deuce a couple weeks ago giving tips on what not to do on a date. Be sure to head over to my blog at www.greghollenback.com and check out the YouTube video. Next month I am going to write about the all important “Know When to Hold Em’- Know When to Fold Em,’” a guys’ guide on knowing when to cash in your chips and go home.

Happy Hour - Happy Ending

2010-10-04T08:15:00.001-06:00

Alright Fellas: Here we go! It’s time for the much anticipated “Happy Hour-Happy Ending.” In last month’s musings of “How To Date In Denver When You’re Dead,” I offered up tips to guys diving back into the shark tank of single life and dating.

Now, let’s get right to where to go on your first date.

I’m a big believer in happy hour for the following reasons. First, Happy hour had to be invented by a guy, and if it wasn’t, a cool chick had to have come with it. Either way, it was a genius idea because over and over again I see guys breaking the bank on a first date. I know from personal experience that breaking the bank on a first date with a stranger can be very traumatizing, especially to the budget conscious, smart man. In fact, not a single week goes by that a guy doesn’t contact me telling me that he was taken advantage of by a “Dinner Digger.” You know the type – a little dinner, drinks, and entertainment - then at night’s end - swoosh, like a cold fall wind, she’s out of your car never to be heard from again.

And guess what? Most of the women you want to date don’t want the big expensive first date. They feel pressured and more over they wonder why you don’t think it is impressive enough to for you to show them who you really are in a relaxed fun setting. Well boys - happy hour is the answer! Keep your time and money intact. Happy hour has it all; it’s your one stop shop - the first date mecca. Its offerings include reasonably priced food and spirits, a fun, loose atmosphere that’s conducive to flirting and getting to know each other. Don’t be a fool sucka! (In your best Mr. T voice). Save the expensive, romantic dinners for the ladies you have chemistry with. They are the ones who will in fact appreciate it.

Second, happy hour is early. When you meet her be light, fun and casual – charm and humor is never a bad approach. Women love a guy who is secure and confident - easy to be around. Do yourself a favor and don’t talk about anything heavy. Important: Never let her convince you to meet her and her friends the first time you guys hang out – that’s a recipe for disaster! You pick the place. Be polite and ask her for suggestions but ultimately, you decide. Take her someplace that will help your confidence. Take her somewhere where you can control the energy around you – seek out a lounge type setting that has couches so you can relax together. Perfect scenario!

Lastly, if all the stars in the sky are lined up and you both hit it off you can either continue onward for a night on the town or, better yet, continue your conversation in a more comfortable setting. Conversely, if either of you aren’t feeling it, you can cut and run with minimal damage. Here’s the important part: If you’re not into her or if you sense she’s not attracted to you, don’t run the up-hill battle and try to make something out of nothing. Be a classy gentleman and communicate with her your thoughts on the date so you both feel good about walking away. Happy hour allows you to have the non-committal flexibility you’ll need in order to incur minimal damage to your time, money and mental health.

For the advanced daters: have options from your rotation ready to go. Have a back up plan for two reasons. One, having something to fall back on will make you come off less needy - don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Two, if your happy hour date goes well your stand-by will understand if you have to cancel. If happy hour is a flop – SURPRISE – it’s movie night with a rotator. Win, win – Happy Hour, Happy Ending!

If you like a good debate, check out my online blog! The Confessions of a Serial Dater series has taken off and everyone has an opinion. Thank you! Happy hour isn’t the only great thing to do on a first date but it is a good one. I would list more here but I am given only so much space in the Chronicle. This month on my blog I will be discussing other great places to go on a first date and you’re welcome to chime in with your suggestions too!

Now remember, this column is based on how to effectively date from a male perspective – God knows I’ve had plenty of practice. Please keep in mind I am NOT giving relationship advice. What works for initial dating is normally a disaster for a long term relationship and vice-versa. Initial dating and long term relationships are two distinctly different animals.

In closing I think it’s worth mentioning a few things about me. I know those of you who don’t know me yet may wonder why I am writing an advice column for men and where I’m coming from. I’m a 38-year-old man that has never been married but despite that, I have been in love and I hope to be again someday. I was raised by a single mother and I have the most loving sister you will ever meet and she is mother to my talented young niece. I love women. Most of my friends are female. I have always been the type of guy that embraces women for their differences. Guys contact me every day for help. Dating doesn’t need to be scary or a chore and none of my techniques will ever be effective if you’re not a gentleman. Women are just like us aside from certain nuances that make the sexes unique. The Sheik is here for your comments, suggestions, and guidance at www.greghollenback.com or follow me on Twitter @sheikofcc. If you want the woman of your dreams you need to be the guy she is looking for. Raise your game. Don’t date down!

Letter to the Editor.

2010-09-14T20:44:00.001-06:00

I just got this letter from the Editor at the Chronicle. I thought it was worth posting here since they clicked a button and with one fell swoop sent it to a cyber trash heap. After all, this start up blog could use some help. I promise I will get better with responding and having a dialog on here. It's time I cross over from the traditional forms of mass media like radio and print and get with the times.

Have fun and stay safe out there.
Greg.

Dear Mr. Thomas:

As a former Denver Metro Policeman, supporter of the Boys and Girls Club and grandfather, I found your publication's inclusion of Mr. Greg Hollenback's "Confessions of a Serial Dater" to be not only contrary to what I think you hold as core values but to the population inherent in your circulation.

I flipped through the issue that landed in my mailbox on account of the cover story on Target's liquor license and stumbled across Mr. Hollenback's column. Once the bile subsided, I chose to use what I do for a living for good: eviscerate his misogynistic spew in one of my regular columns.

I shudder to think what the female staff and general readership of your paper think of Mr. Hollenback's insights, thinking women are booze hounds and "dysfunctional." I will, however, tell you what my audience of nearly 12,000 thinks - and it's not favorable.

If the Glendale Cherry Creek Chronicle is at such a loss of content that it requires filler of such low caliber, then perhaps you should seek out influential members of the business community to author a column on small business strategies. We're a locale that thrives on account of small business and the content would be welcomed. The community could do without any further "dating insights" from Mr. Hollenback and your newspaper's home page would be better off without his likeness.

Here's a link to my column, and I encourage you to read the comments. You'll note that Mr. Hollenback's audience is a fraction of mine. This is what happens when you leave responsible journalism at the curb when you come inside to publish the day the paper goes to press. Avenues like Facebook and Twitter mean that my column receives attention that isn't insignificant. I'll hope that the editorial staff at the GCCC will hold the community in a higher regard by seeing Mr. Hollenback as offering no significant contribution in further issues.

Sincerely,

Erika Napoletano
Head Redhead
RedheadWriting (da blog)
Follow RedheadWriting on Twitter (da tweets)
Be a fan of RedheadWriting on Facebook (in da face)

How to Date in Denver when you're Dead

2010-09-09T15:59:00.011-06:00

All right fellas, in this column I am going to give you tips to live by when you go out on a first date. Cut this column out, fold it up and put it in your back pocket. I’m serious. What you are about to read should be your first date constitution, the holy grail of dating. You could be a dead guy and use this recipe for success. Its war out there and you need to be as prepared as possible when you enter back into the dating battlefield and if you’re not you will be left for dead, broke and lonely.

Ok here it is. First, you have to get your head right. Remember, women are wired to be dysfunctional by nature and when emotion overrides logic you know you’re in for a wild ride. Let’s face it, what a woman wants in a man when they start dating is completely different from what they want when they’re in a relationship. The saying, “Nice guys finish last” may be a cliché but when you first start dating that saying is on the money. It’s time to get selfish and get the woman you want. Hot women don’t throw themselves at you; you have to go get them.

Have options, lots of them, the more options you have the better off you are. If you put all your eggs in one basket you will come off needy to the one or two women you are dating. Use the numbers game, it works. Just like a smart salesman the more customers you have n front of you the more likely you are to have a sale. Since you’ve been out of circulation for a while make sure you are using all the modern methods at your disposal to find attractive women. Don’t be the old fashion salesman heading out on the road with only a lead list and a map. No, no, use all the modern methods like networking Web sites, dating Web sites, online personals and speed dating.

Your approach is everything. Your first impression and getting a woman to go out on a date with you is half the battle. Except don’t ever, and I mean never, call it a date. It’s called hanging out or getting together these days. I can’t stress enough how important it is to be light, secure and fun. When you talk to her say things like, “Let’s go grab a happy hour and have some laughs.” I said a lot of things in that short sentence. Let me explain why that’s so effective. Short sentences packed with suggestion work very well. Constructing sentences with certain trigger words can create energy and moods. So when you say, “Let’s go grab a happy hour and have some laughs” she is hearing a fun statement rather than a question that she can say “no” to. “Let’s go” rather than “Would you like to,” and “grab” meaning quick, in and out if she’s not having fun. Then “happy hour” and “laughs,” the double banger, booze and laughing, which are two of women’s favorite pastimes.

It’s important to remember if she agrees to go out with you don’t keep talking to her over the phone, text, IM or email. Make a date with her soon after she agrees to go out with you and don’t say much to her until you get together. I tell you this for a few reasons, first and most importantly you can’t screw anything up if your lips aren’t flappin’. Second, you can save the getting to know each other conversation for in person. Lastly, hot modern women are flight risks if they sense you are needy or if they feel pressured. The good news is if she agrees to go out with you that will be your first IOA (Indicator of Attraction) that can help you with your confidence during your actual date. If this doesn’t work the first time, rinse and repeat. Hell do it over and over again anyway, remember the more options you have the less needy you will be.

And remember resistance causes attraction so if you can get her to wonder if you’re into her and create a little mystery you will begin to have women chasing you in no time. After all we are merely extensions of nature; women are little flowers looking for the strongest seed to pollinate them. Be strong and safe out there.

Follow me on Twitter at sheikofcc and don’t forget to go to www.greghollenback.com to comment on this and previous months issues of "Confessions of a Serial Dater" along with Denver's most complete singles social calendar and a way to get a hold of me for one on one date coaching. In the next article, “Happy Hour, Happy Ending” I am going to tell you where to go on your first date!

Put Me In Coach

2010-07-26T19:34:00.001-06:00

Alright fellas here we go. Let's pick up where we left off at the end of July's issue of "Confessions of a Serial Dater – From Geek to Sheik." Basically I laid the ground work of who I am, my qualifications as a dating coach and what I am going to be able to do for you when it comes to you effectively and efficiently dating the women of your dreams. Remember our motto, "Don't date down!”

Whether you are coming out of a long term relationship or if you simply lack the ability to attract sexy, motivated, modern women, I will help you. Remember, Rome was not built in a day and anything worthwhile in life needs to have the same kind of planning and preparation.

The information I will be giving you in this column is idiot proof. It has been tested and proven to be effective by myself and many of the men I've coached. The only difference at this point is I was the guinea pig. I spent many years learning these techniques the hard way through trial and error and spending thousands of dollars on dating unsuccessfully. I was rejected by a slew of women as I ran uphill doing all the wrong things, only to find myself frustrated and confused. I am going to help you avoid most of that aggravation.

I liken coming out of a long-term relationship to being seriously injured in the majors. It’s time to take personal inventory, lick your wounds and rehab. It’s time to put your ego down and put your needs aside and head back to the minors. It's time to regroup!

Here are the first five steps you must have as your new constitution in the rebuilding process.

1. Update your look.

2. Drop all expectations.

3. Pitch in less desirable ball parks.

4. Forget your past.

5. Make a list of 10 things that the woman of your dreams possesses.

Now let me explain myself...

Guys, update your look. I know change is hard but this is important. If you want to attract sexy, single, refined women then remember they only want to date guys that care about themselves, their look and what they project to the world. Don't get me wrong, not everyone can look like Brad Pitt but a little bit of effort goes a long way. Trust me, what you thought was cool 10 years ago when you were in the game is not cool now. Get back to the gym, go shopping for a few new outfits and get a new hair cut. To look good is to feel good.

Next, drop all expectations of women and put your needs aside for a while. I know that's easier said than done but expectations and neediness are chick repellant at first. Remember resistance causes attraction in the wacky world of mating rituals. You can't get rattled or hurt if you don't expect or need anything. The number one reason men stop looking for what they want is because of fear of rejection. You can't be rejected if you have no expectations. When you first take a woman out, don’t get heavy.

To quote Cindi Lauper, “Girls just wanna have fun.”

Pitch in less desirable ball parks. There is no way you're ready to market yourself to the woman of your dreams right now. However, you need to remain in the game in whatever capacity, even if that means taking one for the team. Here's why. Somehow, someway, women know if a man is getting any action. Don't ask me how, they just do, maybe it's a smell or something. Women don’t want a man other women don't want. Women want a man who has options because ultimately they want to be chosen, they don't want to settle for you.

Forget your past, no one cares. If your past was so great you wouldn't be reading this right now. There is nothing worse than people that live in past relationships or situations and still want to date. It's time for a fresh look, outlook and attitude when you want a positive and new outcome. This does not mean forget your past - quite the contrary - learn from it. Experience is your advantage. Move forward and mean it.

Make a list of 10 things the woman of your dreams possesses. A list of what is important to you in a partner will help you stay on track and help keep you focused. I don't tell you to do this so every time you go out with a lady you can go down the check list - in fact just the opposite. Remember, just like everything else in the world, water seeks its own level. If you want something from a woman you better be prepared to be able to offer the same to her. If you're going to shoot for the moon you better make sure you're the stars and the sun. Don't expect to get if you have nothing to give.

Remember this is a process. These are the first of many baby steps. Don't get overwhelmed. The process can be fun and enlightening if you resign to it. Just like rehabbing an injury, it's no fun. There are times of uncertainty, but when you finish and you look back you will see that it made you stronger, both mentally and physically. Think of me as your physical therapist, I am here to guide you and give you the exercises and tools to get you back in the game.

If you missed last month’s "Confessions of a Serial Dater" column or you want to comment on any of my articles go to my blog at www.glendalecherrycreek.com. I can be contacted directly for comment and one-on-one coaching at my Web site www.greghollenback.com.

Look what men go through for you ladies, just when you thought we didn't care…

Next up is the all important Dating In Denver When You’re Dead.

From Geek to Sheik

2010-07-20T13:35:00.001-06:00

Hello there single guys! My name is Greg Hollenback but they call me the Sheik of Cherry Creek. Yes, the nickname is a stereotype that suggests I have a harem of women, and no, I’m not even middle-eastern. Hold off on writing the hate mail until you read the whole column, I’m sure you’ll have other things to add to it later. The nickname was given to me by a co-worker of mine who noticed I dated different women fairly frequently and the fact I’m a native to Cherry Creek. I haven’t always been called the Sheik of Cherry Creek, in fact, just the opposite. I was the Geek of Cherry Creek.

Picture this: I was in my early 30s, dumped by my girlfriend of a decade via a text message during the holidays which can be one of the loneliest times of the year, with no gig, no cash and getting what I call “relationship fat.” To make matters worse I was left with low self-esteem and I was void of any knowledge of how to talk to women in any other way than a friendly, platonic manner. I wouldn’t have been able to get any action in a brothel with a fistful of twenties. If you measured my “game” on a scale from one to 10 I would have registered a goose egg, zip, zilch, nada, I had none. I was at the lowest point in my life.

Now I know what I’m saying is not new. I didn’t invent being a loser, but it seems like most people face this kind of situation at one point in their life. I had a classic case of lost identity after a long relationship. It’s like when a housebroken animal finds itself back in the wild and realizes it has forgotten how to fend for itself. You know how it goes: you meet someone, you date for a while, you shack up with them or get married, and then you start nesting. Over time you incrementally start getting a bit complacent and familiarity sets in. Meanwhile, all of your friends of the opposite sex start getting pushed away slowly but surely for one reason or another. Then you start becoming a different person and it’s not pretty.

What I found when I re-entered the dating scene is that it didn’t resemble anything that I remembered. And let me tell you fellas, these women are sharp. They know what they want, they know how to get it and they will plow right through you if you don’t know what you’re doing. Single, beautiful, smart, modern women are everywhere. You just have to know where to find them and what to do with them when you have their attention.

At this point I’m sure you’re asking yourself the million dollar question: How is this so-called “Sheik” guy going to help me? Lucky for you I have I figured out the complex mind of a woman. I know that sounds absurd but it’s true. I was raised by three women — my mother, my sister and my grandmother. I’ve dated more women than Sam Malone and a few of you ladies reading this have experienced this first-hand. I cracked the code to what women are looking for in a man.

Now here’s where I come in. In this column I’m going to help you guys who either are coming out of a long-term relationship or who have never had the ability to talk to and attract women. I am going to share with you my dating fundamentals, personal dating adventures (both good and bad), secrets I’ve learned that attract women, the best places to find women to date, what to do on a date, how to date on a budget and tips and tricks on how to build your confidence so you can date the women of your dreams. Quit dating down, it’s time to get what you want.

For those of you who are coming out of or were in a long-term relationship and now find yourself thrust into the shark tank of modern dating, I can help!

For those of you who are just awkward and not very confident when it comes to attracting and being confident with women. I will help!

I think this is the point where Sara Jessica Parker asks a question in her column in Sex and the City. I’ve never watched an episode so I don’t know. I think this is enough to keep you going until next time. Feel free to write me with your thoughts, whether you are a man or a woman. I’m curious to know your situation and if you are dating to your full potential.

And ladies, I always love hearing your thoughts. After all, it is all about you.

Among his many other gigs, Greg Hollenback can be heard on 103.5 The Fox on Saturdays and Sundays from 6 p.m. until midnight. You can also visit his Web site www.greghollenback.com.